I am very much a word association kind of person. A word, phrase, song lyric can instantly bring to mind a person, place or experience. With that being said, I'm a huge fan of the word of the year trend. While I struggling to find the perfect word to embody all I plan to do this year, I kept hearing God tell me to "let go". This wasn't something I was understanding because my mind kept giving me the word "control". As a type A, OCD wife and mother, control is something I'm comfortable with. Letting go? Not so much. So with God pushing it on me over and over again, I decided to follow His lead and label 2016 the year I let go, making my word for the year GO.
So what am I letting go of? While this seemed like motto that would be easy, I truly struggled with what I need to let go of. But then it hit me. I need to let go of the things that I allow to control me or that I have absolutely no control over. With that in mind, I plan to spend 2016 LETTING GO of...
Insecurities as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. Often times, I am far too hard on myself. I see flaws or mistakes in myself that others never see or are just too kind to mention. Regardless, I want to have a level of confidence that allows Connor to look up to me as example of a women he would love to have as a better half one day.
Wanting it all a certain way. This is directly tied to my OCD ways. To save myself from going crazy, gray and getting angry over nothing, I need to allow others to help and be okay with the outcome. While it's easy to type that, it's been something I've struggled to do for as long as I can remember. It can be something as simple as how James folds the bath towels to a joint vote on a group project. While it might not be "my way", the outcome is still very much the same.
Grudges. I am the champion of grudge holding. While this does nobody any good, I've mastered the ability to hold something over someones head for years and years. Often times, no one but I even know there is a grudge being held. In the end, this is only causing heartache on my side. Forgive and move on. That's something I truly need to practice in my life.
Go more, experience adventure. I don't know what it is about motherhood but it's made me a bit of a hermit. I can make an excuse or create an issue as to why going somewhere with Connor isn't a good idea. Not only am I missing out on the adventure but I'm not giving Connor the chance to explore new places and things. This year, I want to say yes more to adventures, going places that would once give me a bit of anxiety.
My opinions. Need an opinion? I'm your girl. As often as I want it to be from a good place, I often time am a bit too insensitive or harsh and that is never truly my intention. I have always been a bit outspoken, maybe even (or a lot) judgmental and I really need to curve that junk. While there is a place and time for my two cents, I need to be more careful with my delivery.
While a lot of this sounds like a ton of negative self talk, it isn't. We are all flawed. We all have areas in which we should improve. By "letting go" I truly feel like I will be better myself which will totally reflect on the relationships that I hold dear.
Did you pick a world for 2016? I would LOVE to read about your word and what drove you to pick it. If so, leave your word post in the comments section below so I can learn more about what you have in store for 2016.