Wednesday, January 28, 2015

My Thoughts :: One & Done

Three years ago this week, we started the process of getting pregnant. I'll spare you the obvious details but it was a fairly easy for us. I did some research and it said to try January 29th, 30th and 31st. We did just that and two short weeks later on February 13th, I took a test and discovered that we had in fact made a baby. I was very early on when I discovered I was pregnant but I thought what better Valentine's Day gift than telling your husband your pregnant?

My pregnancy was so perfect and easy. I never once had any concerns or issues. I gained a healthy amount of weight and took care of myself so that our baby was getting the very best. When we decided to have a baby we knew that once we meet him or her, our family would be complete. We would have been happy to have either boy or girl but the bottom line was that we were going to be a family of 3. Nothing more. So began my reign as a "One and Done" Momma.


I've talked about being a "One and Done" family often on here. I don't know if I've really every truly explained why I have these feelings. It's a mess of complicated feelings and thoughts, really. It's something that I don't take lightly and I am totally aware of the pros and cons in this decision.

Like all parents, I want the very best for Connor. I want him to experience life, have everything he wants and know unconditional love and attention from both parents. I want him to always know that he is the center of our worlds and that as his parents, we are his biggest fans and supporters. I want to be able to provide for his every need. My hopes for him are that he will succeed in life with our love and encouragement but still know the value of family, a hard days work and that money isn't the key to happiness.

Could all of this be accomplished if we were to have a second child? Of course. There are families all over the country that do this on a daily basis. I'm one of 3 so I know it can be done. So what really makes me hesitant on having another?

Here's the truth...

Parenting hasn't always been easy for me. For the first year of his life, Connor was sick so effin' much thanks to Texas allergies. Once he would rebound from a nasty allergy attack, he would get a cold or virus. That would work itself out and then BAM! We'd discover 2 new teeth popping through. By 18 months, Connor had every. single. one. of. teeth. Sounds joyful, right? Connor isn't a good night time sleeper, either. At almost 2 years and 3 months, he still wakes up nightly. We've had periods of time when he has slept through the night for a few weeks at a time but really, it's hit or miss and we are up nightly, bringing him into our bed. And all parents know how fun it is to sleep with a toddler! #shootmenow Connor is also a picky eater and refuses to eat any veggies. "Lucky" for him, I'm fairly good at hiding them in smoothies and he is none the wiser.

And really, how do moms of more than 1 do it all? I haven't yet been able to let go of being worried that the cleaning, laundry, errands, chores and shopping is all done. And done correctly. My house is always in order and I need it that way. Not because I care what someone might think but because order and cleanliness are necessary for my mental well-being. Thank you, OCD. You never let me down.

But no one said parenting was going to be easy. No one knows what kind of child they are going to be blessed with. Yes blessed. While Connor has given me a run for my money, he also has shown me true unconditional love. He has taught me to be patient, to listen, to give without expecting anything in return. He has been the best lesson of my life. Connor is a strong willed little guy and I sincerely hope he never loses that part of him. He will need it in this crazy crazy world.

Not only do I want to provide Connor will everything he could ever want, I also want to experience life as a wife, as an individual. I still want to date my husband and travel the world with him. Children make that a little tougher to manage. I want to grow as a person and not be someone who is known as just a Mom. I want a lot from life and one day, my only child will be raised and conquering the world and I'll have time to spend with my husband, exploring new places and being us again.

At times, I get caught up in the idea of Connor having to shoulder a lot of tough decisions because he won't have a sibling to turn too but let's be real here. I could either a) have trouble getting pregnant and lack the ability to give him a sibling, b) give him a sibling that he doesn't relate to or have a relationship with. Just because you're siblings doesn't automatically mean you will be forever friends or c) give him a younger sibling he has to take care of once we are gone.

There is just so much to consider and think about right now when it comes to the what ifs of expanding our family. Maybe one day something inside of me will make me turn to James and say "I want to have another baby." I can't say that I know for sure what we want because months before getting pregnant with Connor, I was considering having a 5 year birth control put in. Life is funny like that. Sometimes you know exactly what you want and other times you have no damn clue.

Right now, our family is perfectly complete. Our home is full and our hearts are happy. Could that change in 2-3 years? Yes of course. But the bottom line is that of today, we are the family that God wants us to be. We are a happy, loving, odd numbered family of 3. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

15 comments:

  1. I have always wanted a large family but now that I'm a mom of a toddler I'm not so sure any longer. Like you, I had a wonderful pregnancy but parenting is so hard! So much harder than I thought it would be.

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  2. You're smart for being so thoughtful in making a decision. It seems like some people just have more and more and more kids just because.

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  3. It's always blown my mind that other people feel the need to put in their two cents regarding this topic. Before I met Scott I was adamant that I didn't want children at all. That clearly changed.
    So long as you're happy and your heart is full, your family is perfect just the way it is!

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  4. Not that you ever need to explain your family choices, thanks for sharing this! Right now I'm at a place where I'm not sure if I want to have kids. I always thought I'd have 2, but lately I'm not sure I want this whole parenting thing. Can and will that change in the future? Probably but right now I want to enjoy not having the responsibility of a child. Being a nanny had made me see how hard raising a child can be. I love what I do but it's nice to get to go home at night.

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  5. I think you have a lot of very valid reasons for only wanting one and even though I would love another child I've had many of the same thoughts and concerns as you and questioned if having another really is the best idea. Right now I'm basically leaving it up to God and if it happens great and if it doesnt than it wasn't meant to be. But there are definitely pros and cons both ways.

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  6. Such a great perspective. I personally think it's no one else's business what the makeup of someone's family is like and when someone chimes in to say "Oh you should have another one because of xyz..." Well, how do THEY know that person hasn't BEEN trying to have another baby and has difficulty getting pregnant or has miscarried?! People simply need to keep out of other's decisions. :) Personally, I always knew I wanted at least 3 kids. Maybe it comes down to what I grew up in, who knows. My oldest (15) was my one and only for 10 years. His dad and I divorced and I didn't know if I'd ever remarry or have any other children. I embraced that he was my only. I was blessed with an amazing son and the ability to have carried him and the honor to raise him! When I met my now husband, he had a 3yo daughter from a previous relationship. A few years later, we got pregnant and miscarried. 3 months later, we got pregnant with our now 4 year old daughter. This time in 2013, we got pregnant with our grand finale...she's 15months and the perfect completion to our family. I knew. My husband is an only child and ended up with 4 children to raise. :) Blessings to you and your family! xoxox

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  7. I like that you're sure about what you want right now, but smart enough to leave the door open for another possibility down the line. I'm the same way. I know that I don't want a kid right now. Six months? A year? Five years? Who's knows how I'll feel. I think it's just a wave we all have to ride and when something's right or not right, we'll know it. Great post! =)

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  8. You know my take on this so all I need to say is this: Proud card carrying member of the One and Done Club...fo lyfe. XOXO

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  9. Although I'm due in a few weeks with #2, I love this post because having a child (or children) is such an individual thing and there are a million factors in the decision to have more or not. I hate when people ask me when I'm having a 3rd (let me have this one first please!) because who knows how I'll feel about it once we know how this baby fits into our family! Sometimes, family dynamics just click! Whether it's 1, 2 or 15 children.

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  10. What a truly beautiful post. I love how honest you are. I feel like I would have the same thoughts when I have my first little one and want to have a second little one. Thank you for sharing!! :)

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  11. Great post! And I fully agree. We are perfect the way that we are right now and while right now I don't want another child, who knows what the future might bring. Never say never but right now I'm saying - not now :)

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  12. THANK YOU. I love this post. People just DON'T get it. I mean, why is it anybody's business how many children I have? It sometimes is so hard to laugh it off and make a witty response. I actually am bothered more by the question when it's family, because they know our views but they still keep asking.

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  13. I absolutely relate to you, Stephanie! We have always wanted one child and still want to keep our family at one child. For us, it hasn't been due to the stress of parenting (although that is a good reminder!), but mostly due to the lifestyle and future that we see ourselves living. We never want to own a house, we want to live outside of the US at some point (but not forever), and we enjoy living in small spaces. For our family, one child just suits us! It can be complicated for others to understand our mindset, but I genuinely don't care if they understand or not. I know the life that would make me happy and I have no responsibility to anyone else to explain that life or the reasoning behind it. I do agree with you and the other mamas that I am always happy to change my mind and stay open to expanding our family, if that should ever suit us! Loved this post, glad to have found you.

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  14. We always wanted 2 kids but after our first child we are not so sure. She is such an easy going baby, eels through the night since she is 8 weeks old and life is just soo much fun. I can not imagine it any other way. Plus I'm worried that our second child won't be as easy and that scares me. So maybe, we are also one and done.

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  15. We always wanted 2 kids but after our first child we are not so sure. She is such an easy going baby, eels through the night since she is 8 weeks old and life is just soo much fun. I can not imagine it any other way. Plus I'm worried that our second child won't be as easy and that scares me. So maybe, we are also one and done.

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Thank you so much for commenting on today's post. I reply to comments via Disqus so if you are curious as to what I may have to say in response to your message, just visit this post and check your comment. -- xo, Stephanie