Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The One & Done Ramblings

I am going to start this post out with a simple warning... my thoughts are going to be all over the place. If you are able to stick with me, I thank you! 

Let me start with a few couple must know facts:
I don't have the fever.
I'm not fond of babies around the ages of 3-6 months.
I am in no way forfeiting my One & Done badge.

But the idea of Connor being an only child has been weighing on my mind lately. When I say weighing, I can't figure out if it's a heavy sad weight or just a lingering thought. 

Am I worried that he will be lonely and miss out on something because he is an only child? Not at all. I hope that James and I are able to provide him a childhood that he will one day look back on and have nothing but fondest memories sans sibling.

However, I wonder if my desire to hold my position as President of the One & Done club has more to do with me and less to do with Connor.

I can't imagine being a Mom to more than one. How the hell do you get anything done? How do you eat, sleep, shower and well.. survive? How would I stay home yet afford another baby to provide for? Maybe it's the organizing planner who suffers from OCD in me that has the issue with thinking outside the only child box. Maybe I need to forget me and think of what's best for our son.

Would Connor be better off if he was given a younger sister or brother? Would he have a more well rounded childhood if he had a built in best friend, someone to share with, someone to experience life's ups and downs with?

When asked why I want to have just one, my reasons are very simple: I want to be able to give Connor anything and everything he could ever want. I want only the best for our son. I want him to have parents that are 100% focused on him and have all the love, energy and support he could ever need. Please know that I don't plan to raise a child who thinks he gets everything without earning it. That will not be our son.

I'm one of 3 and I never wanted for anything growing up. So yes, parents with more than one child have the ability to give all those things to each of their children but me?  I don't know if I could. I'm so in love with our guy that I find it hard to imagine loving anyone the way I love him. He changed everything I knew about myself. Connor made me believe there is goodness left in this crazy world. Connor made us a family.

God blessed James and I with our son. I prayed for us to get pregnant quickly and that we would have a baby to bring joy in our lives during a time when things were a bit bleak. God granted me those wishes. Maybe I should give these questions up to Him as He has never let me down before.

No matter what is in store for our family, I know that being a wife to James and a Momma to Connor is what I was made to do. I just can't help but wonder if there is more in store for us.

15 comments:

  1. My husband and I have the same conversation. I for sure want another one but he is favoring more towards one and done because he never wants Grayson to feel like he is getting less of us because of another baby. He is an only child so I think he favors the one and done because of that. I know we will have #2 it may just take him longer to get there. I have the same fears like how will I survive having two babies and how do you afford that? But I know when the timing is right God will give me the answers. What ever is meant to be will happen and the details work themselves out.

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  2. I feel where you're coming from. I have two children and my convo is about having a 3rd. My heart desires it but my body, my stress, my wallet, basically everything else is like no. I wanted my children closer in age and I'm already past the window seeing as how my youngest is 5. I'm 31 and I said if I wasn't preggo by 32 we're closing down shop for good. My biological clock still ticks, sometimes louder than other times. As of this year when school starts I'm officially out of paying daycare!!! that alone is the biggest blessing...i can't even put it into words!!!

    http://aria82.blogspot.com/

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  3. I used to think between my husband and I that we were just having one since we struggled to have her.. but then after some 'careless' nights... we had baby #2 and then later #3. I LOVE watching them play together and seeing their life long bond form and then I often wonder how quiet it would be and how sane I would be w just 1 kid... Nah... I like my crazy life. If it's meant to be.. it will be.. right?

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  4. I can relate to this in not knowing if I even want ONE let alone TWO kids. Right now, the though just overwhelms me. I don't know how you moms do it! Like you said about two- how do you eat, sleep, breathe?!- I feel about one. I admire & respect moms so much! I know that it's all worth it, but, sometimes it's so overwhelming to think about. I'll cross that bridge when I get there I guess ;)

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  5. Well my husband is like you, he wants to stick with just one for many of the same reasons you list but I want another also for many of the reasons you list. I want Hunter to have the experience of a sibling and to know that he has someone else if/when Kristian and I are no longer around. Granted there are no guarantees that they would grow up to be friends but the thought of him as an only child seems very lonely to me. We've been having this debate a lot recently since there are pros and cons to both. Part of me wants to just go with the flow and leave it all up to God.

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  6. It's a tough thing, struggling with those "what ifs." Been there!

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  7. I once thought it was impossible to love anyone as much as I love Lilly. Simply impossible ! I'd never be able to hold another baby in my arms and have feelings as strong as what I felt the day she was born. Then, when she was around 2 years old, I started having an overwhelming sense that our family wasn't complete.

    After Ben was born, I had an instant realization that my heart hadn't run out of space for this new little person - It had only grown bigger to accommodate him.

    I get where you're coming from, Stephanie. I was there once, too. You still have so many years ahead of you to ponder this question and make a *final* decision. If a second one is right for your family, you will feel it.

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  8. We had been in San Antonio for about 2-3 months before I became pregnant (planned)so this is my first rodeo. My husband and I are SO USE to tiny towns where you know each and everyone, where your entire family lived and graduated,present for every football game, and the Sheriff is your neighbor. Lord have mercy! The thought of him going to school with the exact opposite situation! So. I decided. I will be making my own buddy system. He is 8 months and I plan to have another before he is 4. I want him to always have someone in school with him, or Sea World, Airports, Malls, yadda yadda.
    Another issue that fuels my decision - and I am not trying to be a Debbi Downer - I don't want our One child to deal with the burden of a possibility of sick/elderly parents. Who knows what can happen? I don't want him to have to sit there and go "...my dad can't live by himself anymore and my mom had a stroke 3 years ago..what do I do?". I had a personal scare with this. If my mother falls ill, I'm alllll she has. That scares me. Scares me bad. I also feel that siblings can help learn, listen, and confide with one another in a way you cant with others. A few examples are Marriage, divorce, their first child, legal matters, religious conundrums - those would be some really GREAT times to have a sibling.
    All that being said - I can't promise you that I will have any hair left on my head.

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  9. Oh friend, whatever you decide will be the best decision for C-man and your family.
    Send all your questions and doubts to the Big Man Upstairs, he will provide you and your family with everything you need!

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  10. Oh mama you sound like me after KP was born! I was for certain we were one and done and then something changed. Either way is fine! I'm an only child and I like to think I turned out alright!

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  11. This post is definitely a thought provoking one. Hubs is already talking THREE and I haven't even had #2 yet! I cringe thinking about being pregnant after 33 (which I'll be in April)...this pregnancy stuff is hard on the body! Beyond that, I'm not sure how people stay sane or afloat financially with multiple kids. I also agree with the elderly parents issue, especially since my parents are only 15-16 years older than me. I know you will figure out what is best for you and your family...no stress! Goodness knows there are enough other things to worry about with one :)

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  12. Growing up from a family of SIX, I know your concerns. We went without a LOT, but we also had such a fun and exciting childhood with one another. We are poor, by all means, Jeremy and I make very, very little money. But we are rich in love, and while we will not be able to provide Henry or any other future children with everything they want (or maybe even deserve) we hope that what we can provide will prove to them that we loved them more than anything in this world and only wanted the best for them.

    Give God a shout-out, ask Him to make this decision for you. Sometimes you don't even really need to worry about these things. If it's meant to be (or not), He will find a way.

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  13. It is a personal decision. If you are happier having one child, then that is what you should do. You cannot provide every experience for your children. There are many only children who are quite happy. Your son would give up great things if you decided to have another child. There are pros and cons to both sides.

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  14. I as a loyal member of the one and done club do get baby fever! Crazy serious baby fever! Whatever choice you make will be the best for your family

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  15. Say whaaaa? Give up your badge and standing as president? NEVER!!! *kidding* This is such an interesting topic! It's hard to imagine making room in your heart for more. I've got one in the belly now and I wonder that sometimes! How will I love them both the same? And somedays I want two more!! Of course we both know how I feel... Since Baby Snowden #2 is a boy clearly you have to have another - a girl - so she can marry one of my boys and we can be family forever. Seriously, I'm not sure what is in question here. PS I'll keep her during the 3-6 month stage. Questions?

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Thank you so much for commenting on today's post. I reply to comments via Disqus so if you are curious as to what I may have to say in response to your message, just visit this post and check your comment. -- xo, Stephanie