Thursday, July 18, 2013

Insecurity

Insecurity is something everyone deals with. I don't think there is a woman out there who isn't insecure about something in her life. Personally, I struggle with my fair share of insecurities, namely, my weight and how others perceive me. I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, I don't need someone to point that out to me. And I want to be liked by others. I want to be part of something. I don't know why I have this need to belong but I do.

The minute I became a mom, all that changed. The insecurities that I've been dealing with literally disappeared. Frankly, I don't have time to worry about what others are thinking or feeling about me. I need to focus on my son. Raising a strong and happy guy.

Don't get me wrong. The before mentioned insecurities have been replaced with different insecurities. Insecurity as a mother. The daily worries about if I'm doing enough for our son. Is he developing on track? Should we spend more time playing and less time allowing him to play by himself? And what is it that I'm supposed to be teaching him at this point? Am I picking him up too often when he whines? When he cries at night, should I go to his room immediately and comfort him or let him soothe himself? 
 
Guilt trickles in when he is awake and playing and I'm checking blogs, reading or catching up on shows. I try to comfort myself by saying independent play is good for him. I remember thinking I would read to him so much more than I do but it's hard when he is more interested in attacking the book and eating the pages instead of listening to the story. I feel like a bad parent when I use Barney or Super Why as a 30 minute baby sitter so I can get ready for the day. 
 
You get the picture. I feel like it's a daily inner battle. One that I think I may lose more often than not. I'm always questioning myself as a mother. If I were to look deep inside myself, I would know that there is nothing else I could do to provide Connor with more. In just two simple days, I taught the fella to clap. And now, every occasion deserves some clapping in our house. Also, he growls when we play and crawl on the floor together. Something else Momma taught him. It's a bit funny to hear him crawl around, growling. And as long as he doesn't go to play dates and growl like a bear at the other kids, I think it's quite alright to having a crawling, clapping growling baby boy. 
 
I guess what I am saying is I need to cut myself some slack. I need to forget what others do with their babies and worry about my own. There is no need to compare our life to those we see on Facebook or Instagram. I have a wonderful son, who has a Momma that gives 110%, all day every day. And that is more than enough.

2 comments:

  1. comparing is something I think we all have to learn not to do. Being a mom of three premies I know how it feels to constantly make sure your kid is up to speed with everyone elses and that you as a mom are being the "super mom" you think everyone else is being. My sister in law has three children with in 2 months of each of mine. She didnt have any complications and was late for all of them. I found myself constantly competing with her. After I had my second (another premie) I finally accepted my babies are perfect and I am perfect for them! I use to care SO much with "keeping up with the Jones" if you will.. I am now just happy with keeping up with the Smiths. Lol my own lil family. I get up, and I do my best. Thats all I can do and if its not good enough then I wasnt doing my best :)

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  2. oh and ps I am learning that most of us have our problems.. whatever they may be. The ones that only talk about their millionth vacation to Hawaii or how they just ran a 5k ten minutes after having a baby are usually the most unhapppy in some aspect of everyday life. Its great to be optimistic. We need it to get by.. but we all have struggles even if facebook and instgram say otherwise :)

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