Friday, April 12, 2013

Why I am ALWAYS on a diet

I've always been pretty honest when it comes to my weight and how I've struggled all my life trying to find the "perfect" me.

It's tough to diet these days. Especially when raising our babe. My schedule isn't set just yet so I tend to need to eat quick meals and snacks and sometimes those aren't the best foods but I try my hardest to stick to my calorie goal each day.

In the beginning of March, I weighed myself and was happy to see 157 pounds looking up at me. I was making progress. I was slowly but surly getting to my goal of 150.

That was until I went on vacation for 2 weeks. Between when I weighed in in early March and Sunday, I've gained 10 mother effin' pounds. Yes... that's right. 10 pounds. I bet you are wondering how the hell is that even possible? Trust me. It is. Unfortunately.

See there is a reason why I am ALWAYS on a diet.

I love food. The more the better. I enjoy sweets and snacks, chips, soda and ice cream. I pretty much will eat like a teenage boy if given the chance but because I don't like looking like a bowling ball, I fight my desire to bury my head in a bag of Doritos and I diet. Every day.

I can't really say it's a diet because I've been doing it for so long that it's really a way of life. It's something that I've decided to make a way of life. I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror. I want to feel good in the clothes I wear. Even more important, I want Connor to have parents who are an example of health and happiness.

Not only it is important to watch what I put in my body, it's just as important for me to stay active. I take walks with Connor 3-4 times a week and I try to take a solo walk/run once a week. I have set a goal that once I get 150, I am going to start taking a cardio class. Be it Zumba, Jazzercise or something offered at the Y here in Round Rock, I am going to celebrate hitting goal by kicking it up a notch and taking a class.

I am now regretting the month of laziness and poor decisions. I am now working AGAIN to get back to 157 and then slowly down to 150. This is a sick cycle and I need to break it. I will not give in again. I can do this. I'm worth more than the bad feeling I have when I spend a week or two or even a  whole month letting loose.

I wish I could honestly say the number looking back at me from the scale isn't important but that would be a lie. I need to remember that the number on the scale doesn't define me. I'm more than that. I'm a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, aunt. I might not be the smallest girl in the room but I'm me. I'm someone you can count on, someone that will have your back, someone that loves her husband and child fiercely and is by far the best daughter and aunt anyone could ask for. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to love me.

I'm starting AGAIN today. Maybe it will stick. Maybe I will truly understand I'm worth more. I want to feel strong, healthy, whole. Not sluggish, bloated and tired.

Here is my starting point:
Down 7 lbs? See what not eating junk food and drinking Coke can do for me?
And when I want to give up, I won't. I will keep thinking again and again... if I give up today, I will regret it 3 months down the road when I could be 5, 10, 15 pounds lighter.

Happy Friday folks! 

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way...I am always on a diet. It's these last five pounds that I just cant control. Then the times where I say forget it and live with it...I then feel guilty and fat when I eat a normal diet. It's a terrible cycle that I hate but at the same time can't give up. I think you look great!!



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