Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A Confession

If you were to Google "mom guilt" you will find a slew of articles written. Some listing multiple reasons as to what Moms are feeling guilty about. Other tell us how to deal. Some telling you it's okay to harbor this guilt. What you don't find (or at least I couldn't) are articles about mothers who don't feel guilty.

I'm one of those guilt free Moms.

I realize I've been a Mom for all of 11 weeks but if this is my blog, where I share my point of view, then I can say without hesitation, I don't feel any guilt.

I love Connor. I wouldn't trade being his Mom for all the money in the world. Becoming his Mom has made me complete. I truly understand my purpose, my calling. I am also lucky to be able to stay home with him and spend time with him while other moms spend 40+ hours a week out of their homes, away from their babies. But I'm also okay with putting some distance between the two of us.

As cold as this sounds, it's not. He is my full time job. And like any full time job, you need a break. Some personal days. A weeks vacation. And since those options aren't really available, I learn to take the few opportunities I do have to get away and enjoy. every. last. minute.

Sometimes, I wait for James to get home to shower. This gives me, me time. Time to enjoy a hot shower without listening to C waking from his nap. Heck, these are the times I get to shave my legs.

I am not one bit worried about him when he is in the nursery at church, although James requires us to get a pager, just in case. I know he is in good hands. Do I know know these people watching C? No but he is safe. I know that without a doubt.

I plan nights out of the house with friends. I look forward to those moments of no responsibility. There is nothing wrong with needing a break. If anything, it makes me a better mom. One who isn't overstressed, worrying over their baby. 

I could easily bathe him nightly and be the one to put him to bed every evening but James is just as capable. And that's okay. This allows James and Connor to spend some time together. I don't want Connor only experiencing me, only knowing me. I want the relationship he has with father to be just as strong as the bond he has with me. And the nights I don't rock him to sleep? Nothing is lost. He falls sleep in the arms of someone who loves him just as much as his Momma.

Maybe when Connor is older and more independent or even spends time out of the house at MDO or with friends, I will feel guilt for not being with him. Maybe. We shall see.

What I do know is that I love my son with all my heart. He is the very reason I wake each morning. And the time I sneak away for some me time? That time allows me to recharge. Take a breather. And when I come back, I want nothing more to hold and cradle my little guy.

1 comment:

  1. I wish I could be more like that. I'm so terrified that something will happen to my little baby. I'm a little more easy going with my older Henry...so maybe it will come with time.

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