Friday, August 31, 2012

Gaining Pregnancy Weight

I have a hard time verbalizing my feelings, which is why I prefer to write them down. Being pregnant has been easy for me but sometimes my hormones seem to intensify my emotions. I feel my emotions much more strongly than ever before, which makes it challenging to control them and properly evaluate them. Like today for example. Crying at your desk makes you look like a nut job. I have had a lot on my mind recently, but I have not felt comfortable talking about this with anyone, because I didn’t think that people would understand and I didn't want to hear that it's because I'm pregnant. I would still have worries without a baby in my tummy and other life "issues". As a result of bottling up my emotions, I have been unhappy and angry with myself.

Each woman faces her own unique challenges and struggles during pregnancy. The hardest part about pregnancy for me is gaining weight. I have worked so hard to get rid of some of the extra weight on my body. Losing 30 pounds took a lot of work. I spent hours working out and I monitored every bite of food I consumed. I was okay with doing that. I loved feeling better and looking better. Every minute of it was worth it.

This week has been hard! I've ate too many sweets and goodies, which has more than likely caused me to gain more than what my baby needed in one week. I have been feeling guilty and ashamed of those poor food choices. I keep thinking I do not want to hit the 200 pound mark. Yes, I just put that in print. I'm not a small girl. I might be short, but I got lots to love. As of our last OB appointment, I was at 178 pounds at week 29.

My goal for this weekend is to reign myself in again. I want to choose healthy and nutritious foods that are good for both my baby and me. I want to say no to sweets and junk food, which is hard. Just because I am pregnant people think I should be able to eat whatever I want. I believed in this at first, especially for the 5 weeks that I was queasy and experiencing evening sickness. What baby wanted, baby got, mostly because nothing else sounded good to eat.

As you can see, I’ve been so discouraged and frustrated with my weight and the choices this past week.

I received a weekly email that provides suggestions to what I can pray for each week for my baby. Here is the prayer I read:

Dear Lord, as my baby continues to grow, I pray that she will gain the right amount of weight, including the healthy amount of body fat. Help me to eat in a healthy way and exercise on a regular basis so I don't put my baby in jeopardy of having diabetes or other obesity-related health issues. Give me the strength to avoid junk foods and excessive sugar and fat.

Lord, help me to concentrate on good health and not become obsessed with body weight and body image. I know my self-worth comes from You, and not from the way I look. Please help me with that, and help me pass on to my child only good attitudes about her appearance and her weight. Protect my child from eating disorders and a poor self-image.

Empower us, as a family, to live a healthy lifestyle. Empower us to be good testimonies of Your love, forgiveness and life-changing power. I pray that we would shine from an inner glow of Your Holy Spirit, and that it would attract people to You.

Dear God, please continue to bless and guide my baby's development. I thank You for Your love and protection.

Wow! This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with all week long! It is important that I make healthy choices for myself and my child, however it is not worth it to beat myself up over gaining more weight than I wanted to. I had forgotten to remember that my identity is not found in my ability to maintain my weight. My identity will be showcased in the child I bring into this world and raise with James. And as long as I can honestly say I did the best I could while pregnant and providing for Connor, then who cares what the scale says? Because in the end, Connor will be here. We will be parents and even better, living out the life God has planned. Plus size and all.

1 comment:

  1. You are so beautiful, girly - and even if the scale seems to have a larger number than what you want to see, I promise you that you don't look as big as what you think you do. You are doing such a great job growing little Connor - and I'm sure he is going to be a wonderfully healthy little boy.


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